She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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