OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
