Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

..im mad u rememberd about that

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(863): View more from Florida

I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

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(813): View more from Florida

i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.

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(314): View more from Missouri

In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?

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