that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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