Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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