He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
