I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
