I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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