I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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