I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
