need another drink. this is the easiest way
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
