Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
