For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bring money and cleavage
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize