pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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