i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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