Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
