I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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