I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
