he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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