I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you traded sex for a burrito?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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