He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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