hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
