Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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