if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
