hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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