Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
