Cold hands, warm shart.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
