please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
