Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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