Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
