Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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