So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
