alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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