At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize