so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
