I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
