please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize