I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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