Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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