she was so not down for the gang bang
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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