I hate all girls vehemently.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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