your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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