i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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