i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
