Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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