if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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