You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
