Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
