and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
