You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
