So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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