And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
high people should be assigned attendants
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
