I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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