Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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