Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
