Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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