This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
