everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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