he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
