after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
