I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
