I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
