Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize