Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
