I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
